The moment I knew it was the best
Years of questioning your decisions all came to a head at once.
We began living above our means when our children were born. It’s a conscious decision we made to provide a better life for them. I wasn’t always sure if it was the right decision, though.
Our kids would tell us about how their friends had wonderful experiences on vacations and at their family’s second home. I’d hear phrases like, “We just hopped over the pond for the long weekend,” and it’d make me question what I was doing wrong. The last vacation we took was a decade ago and it was an unplanned trip to Italy spread around credit cards to see my family after my Nonna died.
How could other people afford these things? How are their houses always spotless and stylish? What did I mess up?
I’ve messed up a lot of things. I know that. I’m pretty sure everyone in my life knows that. As of this week, I know we didn’t mess up with this decision to provide a better life for them.
Wednesday evening, I sat in the packed bleachers of the high school football field with my family. Looking over the booklet handed out upon entrance, I saw my daughter’s name listed with multiple symbols next to it, underscoring some of her remarkable high school achievements.
A class officer, she was the second student to process in and then receive her diploma. I teared up. Shocking, I know. This was the moment I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that we made the best decision to move here to ensure they received a great education.
In the past few months, I’ve sat in audiences in which she was given various awards and scholarships. I’ve watched countless friends pour into her graduation party to celebrate her. I’ve seen her get accepted into an impressive program at her university of choice. Now, she heads off to Germany to be an exchange student mere days after graduating and then, ultimately, heading off to college.
I truly couldn’t be prouder.
It’s not just her, either. My son has really come into his own this year and will be going through the same process next year. He’s incredibly bright and it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he ends up at some elite college on a full ride.
Over the years, I’ve apologized to my kids for not being able to provide them with the luxuries in life. I’ve self-isolated and beat myself up for it. I’ve been guilt-ridden, conflicted, and full of doubt.
In hindsight, I know there was no right decision. Never is, never was. You can only do the best that you can. For us, that meant being in the right place at the wrong price for nearly two decades.
Seeing how our kids have grown and blossomed into an adult woman and a near-adult son, made everything completely worthwhile. If they don’t see that now — I’m not sure if they do or not — then I feel confident that they will one day. Maybe it’ll happen when they have their own children and have to make a similar decision. I certainly hadn’t thought about everything my parents did for me until then.
So, for those of you going through it now, be confident that, as long as you are giving it your all, you are doing the best thing. If you’re questioning yourself, that just means you care.
There’s no way you can predict the future; you can only try to clear a path that is easier for others to walk.
“Remember this: Try.” - Karis Nemik, Andor