A change in the quality of life

There's a new and unfamiliar feeling that I hope is here to stay

Photo by Zac Durant on Unsplash

My wife always worked crazy schedules. For the majority of our relationship, she worked overnights. She’s incredibly dedicated, hard working, and amazing at what she does. I’ve always admired that about her.

All of that took a toll on her, though. She was always tired and had low energy. Honestly, it probably took years off her life. It wasn’t natural. Or human.

Then, a new professional opportunity came her way a few years ago. She switched to a day shift, and I felt like I met a new person. She was vibrant, lighthearted, and had an unbelievable joie de vie. Making a career change gave her back her life.

It’s even better now that she no longer works in the city. She now has a 10-minute commute, more reasonable hours, and is in a much lower-pressure environment. Her quality of life has skyrocketed, and so has ours.

Now, something has changed in me too.

I am my own worst critic, but the criticism has lessened recently. The food I make tastes wonderful. I enjoy listening to the recording from my last band practice. I’m consciously moving at a slower, steadier pace and now I’m in sync with the good in the world around me. No manic highs, no crushing lows. Everything is okay.

What’s happening? Am I happy? Comfortable? Complacent? I’m not sure yet. I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around it.

It’s worth noting that not everything has been great in my life. The wound left by the loss of my father is still fresh and tender. I am without work and, consequently, a paycheck. I wrenched my back and have been in a good deal of pain. For financial reasons, I quickly had to abandon the MS in Nutrition program I just started.

Shouldn’t I feel like shit? Possibly, but I don’t. What’s going on?

Maybe it’s because I left behind a profession that made me miserable. It’s given me the opportunity to slow down. Could this be a new phase of life? There may have been some sort of long-term chemical or biological change that took hold. What if I’m in the eye of the storm and am on the verge of getting hit hard? It’s a new situation for me, and I can’t help but be skeptical.

Maybe I am just being paranoid. Four-plus decades in, it would be pretty nice to be on the right track.

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Nota bene: I am switching from weekly posts to biweekly. I don’t want to crowd your inbox. Additionally, the pressure I’ve put on myself to write something fairly deep on a weekly basis has caused my writing to suffer a bit.